I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
