Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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