We're facebook friends in real life
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
