There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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