May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
