You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
