it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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