Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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