Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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