You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
