I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
