Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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