your parents love me but you hate me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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