my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
