did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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