remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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