he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
