He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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