i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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