i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
