Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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