So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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