I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
