I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
