I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize