Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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