I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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