she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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