I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
