Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
