he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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