Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
