Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
