so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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