Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
