And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
