While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize