some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
