she woke up with a sticky ear
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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