hell yes lets make some ravioli
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize