Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
