Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why are your pants in the freezer?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
