His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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