I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
