I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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