i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
