I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize