I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
