you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
