I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just threw up on my dentist
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
