As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
