so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
