Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
