As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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