two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
