covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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