Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
