But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
