Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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