when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
