just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
