So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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