I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
