I think I won the penis lottery.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
