A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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