I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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